RRKP

This is the phrase that I use most often recently, along with “last time I/we used to” and “back then”…

Was it because the past was too good or is it because I failed to make the present exciting?

Is my life too boring or is it because I’m really getting old? Well, here’s the list of symptoms:
1) Frozen in the past, reminiscing my memories
2) Forgetting things that happen 2 seconds ago
3) Feeling tired at all times
4) Nothing seems to interest me
5) Fail to recognize the present day “idols” on TV
6) ALL the songs people sing in karaoke and play in their cars sounds foreign to me
7) I stopped listening to the radio
8) I always nag
9) Talked about the past too often
10) My new colleagues have NRIC numbers starting with “8”

I know that I’m not the kind that can climb ladders in the work place. I should really start saving money, and not accumulate fats on my belly for a change. When I have enough money, at least I can write no.10 as My new employee have NRIC numbers starting with “8” instead of My new boss have NRIC numbers starting with “8”.

坦淡应对，心领神会。
坦淡需心诚无防，心领则需忌判勤悟。

悠哉闲哉，谈笑风生。
悠哉非赋闲废时，谈笑亦非胡言妄语。

若可实现，体验，必心宽体安，自在怡然。

何时。。。

I really sick of complaining about my job. I really wish I am writing about something else. I am as sick of this horrible job as I am sick of writing about it.

But sorry, i need an avenue to vent my sorrows, despair, self pittance, frustration, disappointment, etc. In short, I need to complain to remain sane.

6 is the number that secy say boss will give as bonus. 6 is the number of mths to spend in that office to sucessfully collect the 6 mth of bonus if it ever materialise. I dunno if my sanity will be intact for another 6 mths if I were to stay there for 6 mths.

Bear with it, bear with myself, bear with me my frens. I wish I can tell you something else, I wish, anything else....

The anger is more or less fully suppressed. I always know that whatever I am doing now is only a means to an end.

My sis told me that I should stop being negative since I know the means and end theory, so just get over the anger and move on.

I felt very angry when I heard that. I told her I can't talk to her about this, it made me feel worse. The same goes for my whining sessions to bf, same, he cannot empathize, he sympathize...

On the 3rd day, I met my dear fren Cow for lunch. I surprised myself, I did not whine and get emotional at all (I was very emotional on day 1 n 2). It striked me tha I don't have to upset myself so much.

Cow is also not happy at work, though he's not so whinny like me, he's not happy. We talked about the means and end thing and the empathy relieved my aggrieved soul instantly.

I remember that I have to look outside my anger, I can see that my/our fate is not sealed yet. What we are now facing is only temporary, it will be over when we earned our means, the ending will be sweet, cos we worked hard for it. Just like seeing the rainbow after the grey gloomy rain.

Me's mood BC (Before Cow)

我的天空是灰色的，我也变成黑白的，只有眼泪是蓝色的。但我相信，有一天，我会恢复色彩的.

Me's mood today

Shadows in the Lavender Fields

thanks ms val for telling that.

what u say is true, the only things is that, i have been living in the unhappy side of the world for a long time, it has changed the way i see things. everything looks unhappy.

I may have forgotten how to be happy. I may be sick, and am your sick fren as mini say.

But i'm always glad to have genuine frens who bring me to the happy side when ever we meet up, whenever u all hear me whine. thats when i know i'm still lucky.

at least i dun have to drown alone in my own tears.

In time to come, i hope i will find the happiness that i have always looking for. hope that i wun whine anymore.